I Don't Watch Porn I Read It Like A Fucking Lady Candle

Because basic candles are a crime.

Hand-poured in small batches right in the heart of Los Angeles, this candle is made with all the love and none of the nasty stuff. No toxins, parabens, or phthalates—just clean-burning, all-natural soy wax and a lead-free cotton wick. And the scent? Next-level amazing, thanks to high-quality essential oils that fill your space with pure magic.

Light it up, set the mood, and let the good vibes roll.

The Details:

• Size: 12oz | Burn Time: 60+ hours
• Made with Natural Soy Wax for a long, clean burn
• High-Quality Essential Oil Fragrances for rich, lasting scents
• Non-toxic & Cruelty-Free because you deserve better
• Hand-poured in Small Batches for that extra touch of love

Pick Your Vibe:

Sugar Apples + Spice
It's a lazy summer afternoon under an apple tree, the scent of ripe fruit filling the air. Warm cinnamon and nutmeg add just the right spice, making this a fresh yet cozy classic.

Scent Notes: Orange Peel, Cinnamon, Nutmeg, Apple, Clove, Vanilla

Vanilla + Clove + Nutmeg
It's like your favorite oversized sweater, but make it smell incredible. It is a little spicy and sweet and just the right amount of warm vanilla to keep things interesting.

Scent Notes: Allspice, Clove, Nutmeg, Tea Rose, Coconut, Vanilla, White Musk

Citrus + Coconut
It's a tropical getaway in candle form. Bright citrus, juicy mango, and creamy coconut transport you straight to a sun-drenched beach. No plane ticket is required.

Scent Notes: Orange, Melon, Mango, Coconut, Jasmine, Amber, Sandalwood

Seaside + Roses
Wild roses meet salty ocean air in this fresh, floral, and dreamy scent. It’s like standing on the shore at golden hour, watching the waves roll in.

Scent Notes: Bergamot, Pink Apple, Sea Rose, Beach Lavender, Cedarwood, Vanilla Bean

Bergamot + Berries + Spice
A bold, fiery mix of red pepper, juicy berries, and delicate rose petals. Spicy, sweet, and just the right amount of sultry. It's like your favorite red lipstick but in candle form.

Scent Notes: Bergamot, Cassis Buds, Red Cayenne, Jasmine, Strawberry, Raspberry

White Sage + Lavender
Fresh lavender fields, warm herbal sage, and a hint of cedarwood bring instant calm. Light this up, take a deep breath, and let the stress melt away.

Scent Notes: Lavender, Chamomile, Sage, Rosemary, Sandalwood, Cedarwood

Clean Cotton

Scent Notes: Ozonic, Orange, Lemon, Marine, Lily, Ylang, Tuberose, Rose, Touch Lavender, White Wood, Vanilla

Final Mood? These aren’t just candles. They’re a whole vibe. Grab yours now, and let the magic begin.